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Except where specifically indicated, the contributors to this blog (The Lost Art of Romance) are not doctors, therapists, marriage councillors or other professional and/or liscensed individuals. No contributor or other individual associated with this blog nor it's sponsoring agency (Google) makes any guarentee or accepts any liability what so ever for the information posted here. Use the information, suggestions and other materials presented here at your own risk.
Some dream of it, some aspire to it, most have forgotten it, some think it no longer exists but what exactly is romance and what part does it play in a healthy loving relationship?
My own interpretation of romance is that it is a selfless and unsolicited act of love done solely for the pleasure and enjoyment of the person it is done for without expectation of compensation of any form. Thus romance can take many forms from the simple romantic gesture (ex: a note slipped into a lunchbox saying “Have a good day Honey, I love you”), to more extravagant gestures of romance (ex: a moonlight cruise).
Though seduction and romance go hand in hand, they are not the same thing although they can easily be mistaken for one another at times. Seduction is manipulative and goal oriented. Often the goal is sexual in nature and should the seduction fail to achieve the intimacy that was the goal, the seducer feels cheated and their self-esteem suffers. A romantic on the other hand is never disappointed in his result as long as the object of his attention is pleased with his effort. Compensation, sexual or otherwise is not expected and therefore if it is not given in return the romantic is not disappointed.
Romance itself, it’s techniques, it’s methods, it’s selflessness are not something that you can buy. It is not something you can teach yourself, get instant results from and them put away. A true romantic exhibits a lifestyle that cannot be copied and each romantic has his (or her) own style. Try to copy it and you are doomed to failure. But all is not lost, anyone can be a romantic but it takes time and a change of attitude. You must learn to place your love above yourself, to have them always in your thoughts, to think of doing something to please them occasionally just because you love them, to grab hold of that spark that happens when you first meet and NEVER let go. Then and only then will you will know the real joys of love and being loved...
1. Never jump your partner unexpectedly, they may have had a bad day and you blindsiding them may be the last straw. Instead, say in a non-aggressive voice, “Honey, I have something I need to talk about when you have a few minutes”. This prepares them for a discussion and they know in advance you will not be setting out to attack them. Use of the term of endearment says “I may have a problem with you but I still love you”. If they don’t respond in a reasonable time, try a gentle reminder such as “Honey, I know you may have other things on your mind but this is really important to me, I need you to talk to me and help me with this”.
2. Block out all external distractions such as TV, radio, kids, etc. When you discuss something and your attention is divided, so is your perception and understanding. Your partner may think you do not take them or their problem seriously and become resentful and or angry. Give and expect full attention. You both deserve that.
3. Pick a neutral area for your argument / discussion, a place where you both feel comfortable and can look directly at one another, kitchen tables work fine. If it may be a long discussion or an involved one have a cup of coffee and the materials to make your case handy. UNDER NO CIRCUMSTANCES SHOULD THIS BE DONE IN ANY AREA THAT IS A SANCTUARY. ESPECIALLY THE BEDROOM !!!!!!! Doing so will “taint” that area.
4. The person who asked for the discussion should go first. They should remind the other person that the reason for the discussion is not to attack them or to affix blame but to find a mutually agreeable solution to a problem that has surfaced and that they need the other person’s help in order to solve it.
5. The initiator should then, in a clear voice, lay out their case while the other person listens, interrupting only with a request to clarify an item or occurrence. When the initiator is finished, the other person gets an opportunity to comment, again without interruption except for clarification. THIS IS NOT A REBUTTAL ! Even if only one person thinks a situation is a problem, it is still a problem. If you trivialize another persons problem you are trivializing them.
6. Continue the discussion back and forth until all viewpoints have been discussed on both sides. If the discussion at any point becomes heated, stop there and cool off. Then begin again calmly.
7. After all points of view are heard, it is time for both people to discuss a plan for solving the problem. It has to be a solution they can both live with and therefore they have to arrive at the conclusion and implement it together or it will never work. On more complicated problems the plan should be written down and kept as a reminder to the commitments each person made to solving the problem.
8. End each argument on a high note. Hug and kiss your partner to reassure them that you still love them, hold no ill feelings and are ready to work with them as a partner on solving the problem.
Some say that intimate encounters online qualifies as cheating, some say it is nothing more than a harmless flirtation.
The web is a wonderful place to meet people and have dialog with others, many people have met their true love on the web. The web has it's dangers though and as with most things can be a double edged sword.
For those already in a real world relationship, there is a hidden danger there. The web can be suttle and seductive. The flirtations can produce an addictive ego boost, a casual pastime can become an obcession and an online friend can become a secret lover.
Whenever you are involved in another relationship of any kind in which you share affections, you are taking that affection away from your partner, "cheating" them out of love, affection and attention that should be theirs. Often such relationships mark the beginnings of severe real world problems as the one being cheated on begins to feel resentment and then anger. Love begins to turn to hate and if not addressed and correced the result can be disasterous. Remember that while it may be fun to flirt and be flattered and the ego boost feels great, often it is attained at the expense of your partner. A web relationship may be fantasy but the consequences are often very real.
It is that time again when we show that special one in our lives that we love them. Boxes of candy, flowers and diamonds are everywhere. Origionally I suppose these gifts were intended as tokens of affection but the merchants have stolen the meaning of this holiday just as they have Christmas. Valentines day is not about how big a box of chocolates, how many red roses or the size of a diamond. It is about the feeling two people have for one another and the love they share.
It is said that onto each is given one great love in a lifetime. Sure the newness of a romance wears off, things become routie and old hat but if you are fortunate enough to have found that person, stop, take them into your arms and look deepy into their eyes. Tell them that you love them and mean it. Send the kids to grandma's and take today for yourselves. Go to dinner at a dimly lit resturant, talk and remember why you fell in love. Laugh and cry together, get a room for the night and pretend you are teenagers. Tonight before you go to bed,let the last thing you do be to kiss them and let the last words you say be "I love you...". Fall asleep in each others arms. Rekindle the romance in your lives. Rejoice in the love you share and not just today but every day.
Valentines Day, love and romance are not about how much you spend they are about how much you feel.
So on this Valentines Day, to my one great love,
I adore you Patricia, you make life worth living and you bring joy to my heart. Happy valentines day sweetheart, I love you...
First, change the way you think. Romance is not something you can buy or get instructions for, it’s a state of mind. You want to be romantic? Think about what your partner's deepest desires are, what pleases them, what excites them, and act on it. Romance can be anything from a candle light dinner on a balcony of some hotel to cuddling up at night in each others arms while you watch a chick flick on TV. It is little unexpected expressions of love, affection and caring, done purely for the pleasure of your partner. The main goal of romance is not sex, it is drawing you and your partner closer.
Personally, I think that talking is the quickest way to let your partner know that you need a little more romance. Not all people are very good at taking hints when thrown at them. So sometimes, just saying things like “I like it when you hug me and kiss me. Your hugs and kisses make me feel good and lately you haven’t been doing it” is the best way for them to get the hint. Not only that, but men like to hear when they’re doing something you like, such as when they hold you. Women on the other hand like to know they are appreciated and respected as a woman and not just a bed partner. In either case, unless it is not love but lust they want to please their partner so if you point it out to them in a nice way they are likely to be eager to comply.
To some, sex is the most important thing in a relationship, to others it is merely a pleasant side effect. How important is sex in your relationship?
Many people these days become involved in online romances, how do you handle it if the person is many miles away?
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